Love/Hate Relationship With Menstruation


For a year now, I have cried every time my period has come.  And it’s never failed to come.  At this point, I hate the sight of those first few signs of menstruation.  They represent failure.  A failure to make a baby.

But this month – I’ve been anxiously awaiting it’s arrival.  The only thing that has been standing between me and the beginning of stimming (taking the meds that stimulate my ovaries…and make me crazy…), is my period.  They expected it to come on Tuesday or Wednesday, but it’s yet to show.  My period is never late.  Why be late this time, huh!?!? My suppression check (an appt that checks for ovarian cysts and my hormone levels) is not supposed to happen until Day 1 or 2 of my period because they want my hormones to be at the lowest levels possible before I start stimming.

As you might imagine, it’s been stressing me out.  Does this mean that my body is already failing this process?

I am so eager to get started.  Stimming is what you do in the final stretch – it’s what prepares your body for egg retrieval and transfer. I feel like this process has been all talk up until now and that we’re finally ready to get started.

This is also the time my body could fail me.  With no period in sight, I’m starting to feel like it already has. The stim meds are supposed to be pretty intense – make your emotions go wild, make your ovaries triple in size, bloating, headaches – and the list goes on.  The docs will be tracking my progress almost daily and any day they could tell me that my body has failed the process – has not produced any follicles, has developed a condition where my ovaries overstimulate, has produced no viable eggs – and the list goes on.  

But i’m feeling hopeful.  I’ve got to.  I go in for an ultrasound and blood work tomorrow.  They don’t want to wait for my period to come.  They want to see if my body is ready without it.  I hope that it is.  But I still wonder – where the heck is my period!?!?!?


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