I’m Coasting

coast

Since starting our IVF journey two months ago, we’ve been blessed to receive consistently pretty darn good news.  All our test results have come back pretty good, we were able to get started right away, and the Stim medications have produced no side effects.  The latter is a miracle if you ask me, considering both of my friends who have gone through IVF insisted that they were a bundle of inconsistent and extreme emotions.  Both their partners said they were a straight-up b*tch most of the time. Although the hubs and I prepared ourselves the best we could for the inevitable emotional roller coaster, we were both dreading it.  But, luckily, it failed to surface.  I have been pretty stable, pretty positive, pretty hopeful, and pretty darn happy.

Today, however, broke me a bit. It’s not the effects of the medications, but rather our first bit of bad (although in the grand scheme of things, not so bad) news. I am on Day 11 of Stimming, I have 11 promising follicles (definitely wish I had more), each of which is measuring between 17 and 19mm (the goal is 20mm). I went in for blood work and an ultrasound this morning and kinda assumed my nurse would call and tell me they wanted to trigger me tomorrow.  But, no.  It turns out that after consistent, optimal blood tests, my estrogen has shot up to 3700 which is a red flag.  They have decided to have me coast (skip Stim meds) tonight and likely tomorrow to see if they can get the number to go down. If it doesn’t fall, that means my body will not be ready for a transfer, and we will have to delay a month.

What’s a month in the grand scheme of things?  Absolutely nothing. But for us, who have been waiting for what seems like forever to get pregnant, it sounds like a lifetime.  I have been scheduling work trips and friend dates around my tentative transfer and subsequent two week wait.  I have been mentally preparing for the grief or elation I will experience following that two week wait.  I am ready.  We are so close, and it’s driving me crazy to imagine we may have to wait a whole month.

I know, i know.  It’s just a month.  But I guess my sadness and disappointment today was a reminder or an indication of just how much I want this.  I have been pretty unemotional throughout the process (as a coping strategy, Im sure), but then when the threat of simply delaying this for a month throws me for a loop, I am reminded of how this IVF journey is consuming me, my thoughts, my marriage, my life.

I want us to be successful so badly.  I am in a rush even though I know I’m setting myself up for disappointment that way.  Im turning 30 next week – the same day my tentative transfer is scheduled. I want this IVF cycle to turn out to be the best 30th birthday gift a girl could ever ask for. Come on, estrogen level, please please please drop.  And then, let’s have no more scares or disappointments, mmkay?

Has anyone else been told to coast? Did you have to delay a month, or did your estrogen levels drop?

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2 thoughts on “I’m Coasting

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