Cognitive Dissonance

So, I’m going through a weird period right now. GlassHalfEmpty

Generally, Im a glass-half-empty kind of girl. I always assume the worst, and I’ve certainly done that throughout our journey in trying to conceive.

Since the retrieval, however, I’ve been feeling incredibly hopeful. In fact, I’ve been fantasizing about pregnancy, about telling our families, about our newborn baby.  I’ve been thinking about baby names, and nursery colors. And, I’ve loved it.  It’s been so fun and gets me so excited and full of smiles.

Sometimes, I have to bring myself back to earth and remind myself that Im not pregnant, that there is a chance I never will be, that I will never conceive naturally and I will be forever dependent on science to help me get there.  I remind myself that even if I get pregnant, I may miscarry and all this work will be in vain.

But, unlike my ‘usual’ self that would harp on those facts, of recent, I allow my mind to recognize them as possibilities and then bounce back to the idea that I could be pregnant in a month, carry a perfect, healthy baby to full term, and the hubs and I will welcome our first beloved child into the world. I then begin to stress about the fact that I’m yet to come up with even one boys’ name that I like…

Any pessimist will understand when I say that this positive thinking is scaring the crap out of me.  Positive thinking simply sets people up for disappointment, right? I re-read this post and I worry that by putting my hopes and dreams down on paper, I am jinxing myself.

I can’t figure out if it’s better to allow myself to be hopeful and risk being hurt or prepare for the worst and risk being, well, a little less hurt and disappointed.

What about you?  Have you allowed yourself to hope and believe or have you protected yourself by expecting the worst?

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8 thoughts on “Cognitive Dissonance

  1. I fight with myself everyday! One half of me is being positive and hopeful, thinking the best but the other half of me is trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up only to be dissapointed and upset, almost like I’m protecting myself from the hurt again. It’s exhausting! X

  2. I am got my BFP last week and after getting mixed reactions from family, ive decided that im not going to let them ruin this most precious experience. ive been sick for about a week now, and tired, and generally feeling very much like poop, but i am enjoying the fact that my body is going through changes and that in Dec I will be welcoming a little one. If it is not in God’s plans for that to happen, I will cross that bridge if i need to. For now, im enjoying being pregnant. So take a breath, and enjoy yourself. Let your inner optimist out 🙂

  3. you’re right! it’s so exhausting! im find im happier when im feeling hopeful – perhaps i need to just stick with that, and risk the utter disappointment, which will likely happen either way!

  4. such a hard balance to make… I say go with the positive! If it ends in less than happy news then you’ll have plenty of time to be sad and negative! Enjoy feeling happy whilst you do – everything crossed that its good news x

  5. Hope is what keeps us going- keep that feeling alive if you can. At a certain point, I could no longer hope for myself, but then I let other’s hope carry me through. Thankfully my husband kept the hope train going longer than I could- or we wouldn’t have our daughter here today. Hopeful for you!

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