Cast Aside Like Garbage

Well, I’m on bedrest again.

I started bleeding again Wednesday night.  Just a bit of spotting, but it was bright red.  It scared the crap outta me. I’m still scared. Thursday I made it through most of the day, but then the spotting returned in the afternoon and carried on for a couple hours. It wasn’t a lot, but it was RED. Ugh, Im freaked.

So, I called my clinic.  And what happened, you ask? They refused to let me come in for an u/s. Since I technically graduated from them (u/s wise), even though I will continue to see them for medications and blood draws for another couple weeks, they said I needed to call my OB. They cast me aside.  CAST. ME. ASIDE.

I have given that clinic over $25,000 in the last 6 months. Yet, they refuse to let me come in for a simple 5-minute procedure that I am willing to pay for – just 3 days after my last u/s with them!? Really makes me angry.  The nurse could tell how freaked out I was and yet, nothing.

I haven’t lived here long enough to have an OB.  So, my first appointment (scheduled for next week) will be the first time I meet the nursing staff. Although they may have been able to get me in for an emergency appointment, I’ve been scared to go.  I didn’t want to go in to a clinic I had never been to and to hear from a staff member I had never met, potentially terrible news. I just couldn’t stomach it, especially with my husband out of town for work.

So, my fertility clinic had the decency (read = sarcasm) to put me back on bedrest until I see my OB on Monday.  So, yesterday and today…and for the next two days…I am sitting at home, anxiously checking my panty liner every 5 minutes, fearing the worst every time I go to the bathroom, waiting, worrying.

The spotting has been very minimal, which gives me hope, but of course I am still scared.  My nurse called with my blood results today and my estrogen has increased by 1,000, which is also a good sign.  On the other hand, my progesterone has not changed over the last week. I’m hoping for nothing but good news on Monday.  Maybe my cervix has been irritated from the applicators for my suppositories.  Maybe my subchorionic bleed has slightly opened again. Maybe it’s unexplained but nothing to worry about. Let’s hope so…

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13 thoughts on “Cast Aside Like Garbage

  1. Oh honey, I’m so sorry! Ugh. Had you resumed higher levels of activity or did the bleeding just seem random? One of my best friends said she bled and cramped through her entire first trimester. I’m really hoping that is not the case for us! After going through IVF, we are so much more paranoid! Praying everything is right as rain! Hugs! I’ll think of you as I too wait on the couch 😦

  2. I found out (after the fact!) that bleeding with IVF pregnancies is much more common. I fell apart when I started spotting, since that was the way all my miscarriages had gone, but, despite spotting all through week 6 and week 8, peanut hung in there. At least so far! fingers crossed.

    Those were the scariest dang weeks of my life. Pushing fluids, trying not to overexert and completely bitter because I was sure it wasn’t going to make a da## bit of difference. I hated that uncertainty – by heaven if I was going to lose this one too, why wouldn’t it just hurry up and get it over with!

    Hugs…wish I had a crystal ball to promise you a happy ending…

    • thanks. i always love hearing happy endings! im totally freaked, of course, and the spotting keeps coming and going. my appointment on monday seems like forever away.

      did they identify where your bleeding was coming from? how far along are you?

      • They never did identify a cause of the bleeding and I am 12 weeks and 4 days today. Poor hubby got neglected a lot as my rule of thumb was no “activity” until at least a week after bleeding stopped.

      • 12wks,4days is fantastic! congrats!
        was this bleeding different to the bleeding from your m/cs? sorry to hear that, btw. Luckily this one sounds like its doing great!

  3. Oh how scary. Take it easy on yourself – you’re doing everything you can. Is today the Monday you see your new OB? Hope so, and hope they have good news for you!!

    • thank you. i did take it easy. and i had my 9 1/2 week appt with my general OB this morning. My little Blueberry (actual size = prune) looked great and was wiggling around! Looks like my tear opened up a bit again, but very small and the nurse didnt seem that concerned. So, i am going to TRY to relax! Hope you’re doing well!

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