My dearest Blueberry,
I wish I could describe how much I already love you and how badly I want to meet you, hold you, cuddle you, and kiss you. We are nearing the 3rd trimester together and while I still struggle to truly believe that I am this lucky, the realization that I will likely have a baby in my arms in three short months is starting to settle in.
But with that realization comes more worries and fears. For a long time, I worried more about losing the pregnancy I worked so hard to achieve than I worried about losing you. That sounds terrible, but it’s true. At weeks 9, 12, or even 15, I did not yet know you. I had not yet felt you. And we had not yet spent our first nights away from daddy, missing him together and rocking one another to sleep. What I knew was that I was pregnant with a baby that I desperately wanted to keep. But now – it is you that I am fearful of losing. It is you, not just a baby, but my little Blueberry, my sweet son, that I spend my days thinking and worrying about.
In these last couple months, we have built a bond that will last our lifetimes. I have days where life is stressing me out, and you are always there to remind me of the joys that are to come. You give me a couple little kicks – kicks that belong to you, my son – in order to help me shed my worries away. You have also helped me and your daddy grow closer day by day. You have strengthened our love because we share such a strong and overpowering love for you. We have developed a new closeness because we have created and since fallen in love with such a perfect and wonderful creature as you. I have seen a side of daddy that makes me melt every day – his excitement and utter impatience to meet you, his silly voices he uses when he reads to you, his wide-eyed grins when he feels you kicking, and his creativity as he builds and creates the perfect nursery for you. I can tell you now that it is he, your daddy, that will make you the luckiest little boy in the world. He will love and cherish you in ways you cannot imagine, just as he does me. Only more. You and I are so incredibly lucky to have him.
I love you, Blue. I want you to stay cozied up inside of me until you are strong and ready to face the world, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing that I didn’t have to wait 3 more months for that to happen. In reality, I am protecting you now more than I will ever be able to once you have arrived, but I struggle and feel powerless by not simply being able to look into your eyes and know that you are ok, developing, and thriving. So, Blue, please, when I ask you to kick, just kick for me. Put my heart and mind at ease when I start to worry….Ok? 🙂
We cannot wait to be a little family of three!