So, as I mentioned, we’ve been pretty calm about embarking on IVF #2. So calm, in fact, that it kind of worried us. We wondered if we were failing to remember how emotionally draining IVF was or if we were subconsciously settled into a naive confidence that if it worked once it would obviously work again. Nevertheless, we remained relaxed; all but forgetting throughout each day that we were in the midst of all this.
We may be experiencing a slight hiccup. Given what we’ve already been through and what so many others have gone through, I realize that it’s ridiculous that I’m even writing this post given the sheer insignificance of this hiccup in the grand scheme of things. But, it’s not the hiccup itself that’s brought me here but rather the all-too-familiar anxiety and fear that has come flooding back as a result.
I began my Lupron shots last Tuesday and completed my 14 days of birth control on Saturday. My period was supposed to begin sometime between Sunday and today. It hasn’t come. I have to get my period (shed my lining) before I can begin Vivelle patches on Thursday. If I don’t, everything is delayed. I KNOW, I know, a simple delay is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
But, it rattled me. Such a simple deviation was somehow all I needed to remind me that IVF is an emotionally and physically draining process that can so easily end in heartache. I suddenly find myself overwhelmed with a million emotions that I have not prepared myself for.
I’m fine. Obviously, I’m fine. And I’m still really really really excited. But man oh man, I feel like I just woke up from a dream and found out that I am in fact in the midst of a pretty intense period of our lives…yet again. It’s a period that I hope so badly, will end with a BFP, an easy pregnancy, and a healthy baby…this first time around.