And the Anxiety Returns

So, as I mentioned, we’ve been pretty calm about embarking on IVF #2.  So calm, in fact, that it kind of worried us.  We wondered if we were failing to remember how emotionally draining IVF was or if we were subconsciously settled into a naive confidence that if it worked once it would obviously work again. Nevertheless, we remained relaxed; all but forgetting throughout each day that we were in the midst of all this.

Until today…

We may be experiencing a slight hiccup.  Given what we’ve already been through and what so many others have gone through, I realize that it’s ridiculous that I’m even writing this post given the sheer insignificance of this hiccup in the grand scheme of things.  But, it’s not the hiccup itself that’s brought me here but rather the all-too-familiar anxiety and fear that has come flooding back as a result.

I began my Lupron shots last Tuesday and completed my 14 days of birth control on Saturday.  My period was supposed to begin sometime between Sunday and today.  It hasn’t come. I have to get my period (shed my lining) before I can begin Vivelle patches on Thursday. If I don’t, everything is delayed.  I KNOW, I know, a simple delay is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

But, it rattled me. Such a simple deviation was somehow all I needed to remind me that IVF is an emotionally and physically draining process that can so easily end in heartache.  I suddenly find myself overwhelmed with a million emotions that I have not prepared myself for.

I’m fine.  Obviously, I’m fine.  And I’m still really really really excited.  But man oh man, I feel like I just woke up from a dream and found out that I am in fact in the midst of a pretty intense period of our lives…yet again.  It’s a period that I hope so badly, will end with a BFP, an easy pregnancy, and a healthy baby…this first time around.


2 thoughts on “And the Anxiety Returns

  1. Girl, I cannot relate more to you!!! We went through IVF a with our first and he is now 2 1/2 and we then went through IVF again (after 2 failed frozen cycles) and are now pregnant with our daughter due in 2 weeks. I was totally where you are right now. Way more relaxed and just trying to tel myself that all will work out and be just fine. It worried me too that I was so chill…I mean going through everything the first time was stressful to the MAX!!! I think we just become almost experts in the fertility world especially after going through IVF. Hang in there and know that your period will come…even though you and I both know how delays are awful when trying to get preggo!!! Throwing a million pounds of baby dust at you!!! 🙂

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