Yearning for Success: An Update on IVF #2

We’re one week away from our scheduled transfer date.  I’m feeling impatient for the day to come but I also feel like it’s come out of nowhere.  Having been through IVF before, especially with a grueling retrieval preceding a cancelled transfer and then a successful FET, I feel like this round has slipped by under the radar in many ways.

My hubs (should I finally just tell you his name!?  It’s Simon.  I don’t know why I’ve kept that so private!) commented tonight that he’s feeling totally unprepared since he’s been so removed from the whole process.  We’re not obsessing about every lab result and lining check together, we’re not re-reviewing our medication calendar every night, or preparing my meds together in the morning.  I’m going to all the appointments on my own and find myself too busy to call him and report the results until long after the call has come in.  And in the mornings, I steal any free moment I can when Toby is distracted by something so that I can put on a new patch, swallow my pills, and give myself injections.

I have, however, felt a huge drain on my time with all the lining and blood draw appointments, acupuncture twice a week, and frequent phone calls to and from the clinic. So, even with the simplicity of this round compared to the last, it is still a process that remains all-consuming in many ways.  Perhaps it’s really just the emotions and fears that are slightly less present.

A little about this cycle:

  • I started birth control 2/15, Lupron 2/24, Vivelle patches 3/3.
  • Went in for a lining check 3/12. My lining was 9.7.  They want the lining to be somewhere 8-10 at transfer which usually takes about three weeks and requires an incremental increase in pathches from 1-4/day.  So, I have remained on just one patch and my second lining check on 3/16 showed no change – lining still at 9.7.
  • Because I was not able to increase my patches, my estrogen levels did not increase as needed – 194 on 3/12 and dropped to 169 on 3/16.  Estrogen levels need to be above 300 before transfer so I am now on 2mg of Estrace in order to increase my blood levels without affecting my lining.
  • I have a blood draw scheduled for tomorrow – results to come.
  • I’ve been experiencing some pre-period-like sypmtoms these last few days which is pretty bizarre.  I’ve had back pain, a heaviness in my abdomen and constipation.  I experienced no symptoms last time around so I dont really know what to think about it.  But, I spoke to the nurse today and she didn’t seem too concerned so Im trying not to be either…

I really want this to work.  I really want us to be one of the lucky ones who are successful on their first try…twice.  Can’t we please be that lucky!?  One of my best friends has two kiddos yet is the most naive person I know about trying to conceive because she’s never had to try – it just happened the first time both times. If that can happen for her – naturally – I need and want to believe that after my crappy luck of an infertility diagnosis, I might just be the lucky one who has two successful IVF cycles in a row. Pllllllease let that be true.

My close-nit group of mommy friends whose babies were born around the same time as Toby are all talking baby #2.  One friend just announced she is 12wks pregnant, another plans to begin trying in May.  I so desperately want us all to travel this journey together once again.  Them, coupled with a good friend at work who is 12wks and my sister-in-law who is 25wks, makes me yearn for this even more.  I am so very ready.  I hope that March 25th is forever marked in our calendars as the day we ‘conceived’ our second sweet little baby.


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