How Do You Do it With a Young Toddler at Home?

What an obnoxious thing to ask of an infertility community that includes couples who continue to await their first BFP.  I’m sorry if this post comes off utterly insensitive to you. But I know there are others out there who are lucky enough to have a little one at home and are either working towards or already have a second on the way. And I am looking to you for some advice and/or words of encouragement…

I am so excited for my transfer Wednesday and so desperately want it to be a successful cycle, an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Yet, I admit that my primary focus is on something entirely different – Toby.

Last time around, this period was all about us.  About me.  On bedrest, Simon pampered me to no end after the transfer, waiting on me hand and foot, making me hot meals, massaging my legs to keep the blod flowing and keeping me comfortable. Through my first trimester, he was sure to carry the heavy groceries and give me a rest whenever I needed it.  But now there is Toby – and everything is changed.

How do you do it with a young toddler at home who runs over to you with wide, bright, beautiful eyes, grasps onto your legs and begs you to pick him up…a million times a day? How am I going to go one hour without lifting him into my arms let alone days, weeks, or months!?

The nurse called today with my transfer instructions and reminded me that the weight limit for lifting is 10lbs.  While she acknowledged that that would be impossible with a toddler at home, she encouraged me to do my best, to be ‘mindful’ of my actions, and to sit down with him and let him crawl into my lap whenever possible.  Do you know how hard that is going to be?  Toby isn’t accustomed to simply sitting with me.  He wants to explore the world from my arms – to help me cook, clean, or reach for high tree branches in the backyard. And then, of course, there are the practical things – like dropping off and picking up at daycare. How do you do it?

I don’t want to break my little boy’s heart or make him think that mommy doesn’t love him anymore.  But he’s too young to understand any explanation I can offer him.

I don’t mean to complain – I know how lucky I am to have Toby and to have the opportunity to try IVF again…and again after that if this round is unsuccessful.  But, I certainly feel the realities of having a young baby at home this time around and how different it will be.

But gosh, I still so so badly want it to work.


14 thoughts on “How Do You Do it With a Young Toddler at Home?

  1. Hello dear. Well I have gone through this personally so I can let you know how I am currently dealing with it. We got pregnant with Cohen via IVF almost 2 1/2 years ago and then got pregnant with Paisley via IVF in July of last year. Well unexpectedly my water broke on 3/11 when I was 37 weeks pregnant and we had to deliver via c-section because our little girl was breech. Talk about scary!!! I worried about the exact same things as you are right now. How was I going to manage taking care of my VERY busy toddler and take care of a newborn-especially after a major surgery?! Well, thank goodness I have a wonderful hubby (which sounds like you do too!) that could help me and wait on me when needed. This will be your biggest help because your little kiddo will want your attention and to have you pick him up. Just know that you are doing the best you can and of course you still love that little rascal more than anything. Having a new baby in the house is different though…my son has been acting out quite a bit but I just make sure to tell him how much I love him and to pay just enough attention to him as his sister. With my transfer I didn’t have specific weight lifting limits or anything like that. They just told me to resume normal activity. Just try to take it easy, don’t stress the small things and know that everything will turn out exactly how it’s supposed to be! 🙂

      • Thank you!!! It’s been a challenge with 2 kids but I am sure it will get easier. Definitely keep that hope! Two successful transfers are possible! 🙂

  2. I’ve been wondering this myself, even though I’m a year or two away from FET. I’m hoping it’ll be a little easier since I have twins who are used to not being glued to my hip, but then I’ll still have two toddlers wanting my attention. And the pregnancy! I napped every afternoon and rested as much as I could (twins and all, tired the whole time) but somehow I doubt that will happen next time. I’m interested in how you learn to handle it.

    • Wow, so awesome that you’re going to do it again! How many kiddos are you hoping to have? I bet the pregnancy will definitely be different – kids definitely dont allow for much napping. But people do it, so you will too…albeit slightly on the mroe tired side!

      • We have two frozen embryos but I definitely don’t want to transfer both at once, so I’m hoping for one or two more singletons. I still hyperventilate when I think about having a newborn but I also don’t want to wait too long. This having babies thing is for the young!

  3. I’m not there yet (I’m planning a FET for the fall though, closer to Gus’ second birthday) but regarding your lifting restrictions – I know every protocol is different, but one of the things my RE and nurse told me during my last round of IVF was if it was something I lifted and carried regularly (laundry baskets, stuff for work, etc.) then it was ok to keep doing it, because your body is used to it. Good luck, keep us posted!

    • hmm, that’s really interesting. im going to do my best, but we both know we’re not going to be able to avoid picking up and cuddling our kiddos. Best of luck this summer – look forward to following your story!

  4. It’s not easy but it gets easier. I do my best to follow the advice of not picking my daughter up (she’s 2.5yo/35 and FULL of energy) but I make an exception at bedtime when I put her in the crib. Otherwise I explain to her that mommy has a sore back and belly and she has to be careful and can’t play roughly for a couple weeks. I have to remind her often, but she understands pain. Even if pain isn’t the real reason, it helps her to respect my wishes. Good luck!

      • Yeah that’s hard. I started doing IUIs when my daughter was just 8-9 months old, and got pregnant only when she was 16 mo or so, but miscarried. It wasn’t because of activity though, because it was pretty good at taking it relatively easy. I did my first ivf when she was just 2yr but no eggs fertilized so was not worriedly about carrying her. Ivf #2 was at 2yr 2 mo and I was careful in the sense that I let DW put her to bed for the first few days, and she would go get her in the mornings. The most I did was help her up to her chair at the table. If she needed consoling I’d sit with her. I’ve been reading lately that it’s actually not founded to reduce too much your activity following a transfer. Getting rest is good, but my last clinic prescribed bed rest for 3 days starting at transfer. My new (so far much much better) clinic suggests going back to normal routine right away. I’m in the waiting room right now, for my ivf#3 ER.

      • at 14 mo it would have been hard, but if you can depend on your partner a little for the 10 or so days before beta, then you’ll probably feel less stressed. Your son will adapt, even if he fights it at first. Routines are always hard to break. You’ll do fine!

  5. Friend, I have no clue. This dynamic worries me too. Know, however, that your love for Toby and his understanding of your love goes way deeper than several weeks/months of a change of pace. He may become more independent and your time together may change…but try to focus on the fact that you are an amazing mama and your children are so special just to have you!

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