We’re still here

I’m 10w6d today.  I went in for a scan because I’ve been having some brown spotting for about 10 days now.  Very little, but i’ve seen it at least once a day and the frequency got me just concerned enough to ask for a quick visit at the doc.  I saw our little Poppy this morning and she was perfect – measuring just right, jumping around wildly, and boasting a strong HR of 164.

It’s been a rough road so far, hence my absence over the last few weeks.  I struggle with pretty bad anxiety at times – sometimes requiring medication and sometimes doing just fine without it.  This is one of those times that I would normally go back on it to get myself back on track and it has been hugely challenging to know that I dont have meds or even a big glass of wine to help ease the tensions in my mind.  Anxiety is so incredibly overwhelming, exhausting, and all-consuming.  It’s made my days long, my weeks hard, and has affected my ability to fully focus on this pregnancy…which breaks my heart. Today’s ultrasound pulled me out of the fog a bit since Poppy is now more closely resembling a little human being and was waving at me with excitement.

Don’t get me wrong – Im so very happy that we are expecting once again.  I’ve wanted this baby for so very long and Im so excited to be completing my wonderful family.  I would be devastated if anything were to happen.  My anxiety doesn’t take those emotions away. It simply robs me of the daily excitement, anticipation, and joys that I should be feeling every moment of every day these days.  I’m struggling, but I’m working hard.  I’m finally seeing a therapist for the first time in my life and doing CBT workbooks at home. I’m doing far better than I was just two weeks ago and it’s bound to only get better from here.

As for a status report – we’ve had three more ultrasound since I last wrote – one final one at the IVF clinic at 8 1/2 wks and at our first general OB appt at 9wks.  Then the one today.  Poppy has been measuring great all along.  Her HR jumped up to the 170s by week 9 and is now settling in for the longhaul in the 160s.

Assuming my blood results look good tomorrow, I’ll finally be off all medications except aspirin and my prenatal.  I have been slowly tapering off of PIO, endometrium suppositories, vivelle patches, and estrace over the past 3 wks.  Hopefully, I took my last PIO shot this morning.  It’s been a long time coming and I am very ready to be done.

One interesting change from last time around is that we learned that research has shown that babies born from IVF have a higher chance of developing a heart defect than those conceived naturally.  Awesome – another win for the infertiles!  The risk is high enough that my clinc now offers IVF patients an echocardigram around 22wks that will check more closely for abnormalities in heart functioning.  In the grand scheme of things, the risk is small, but significant enough to warrant the tests, at least at our clinic.

So here we are – 11wks tomorrow.  The big 12wk appt is scheduled for next Thursday and I’m looking so forward to the green light (that I’ll give myself) to share this amazing news with my close friends, family, and co-workers.

I’m also looking forward to returning back to the blog in a couple weeks with an update that includes how well both Poppy and I are doing and how excited we all are to begin preparing for the perfect addition to our happy family.

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6 thoughts on “We’re still here

  1. I had an echo done on my ivf baby but they didn’t offer it with my natural little guy. It was pretty cool to see the heart in such detail. 🙂

    Sorry you are dealing with the anxiety. It sucks, I know. I hope the therapy will continue to help.

  2. so much stress sweetie! Therapy is a great idea. You could look into hypnotherapy too – I found it to be more helpful than regular therapy for anxiety. I’m happy to hear your little bean is exactly where it should be! Brown spotting is all good from what I understand. Especially considering your doing suppositories. They cause irritation. I would imagine that one you’re off it’ll be fine. I’ve never had mention of any special tests due to this being an IVF pregnancy. Interesting. I find my doppler gives me a ton of peace of mind. Hang in there! Second trimester is around the corner! Xx

  3. You are doing such an amazing job! Anxiety robs us of so much joy. I’m so glad you are finding some relief from it and hope it continues to improve. Love to both of you and both of your babies!

  4. Friend, I saw a therapist too for the anxiety and have recently been considering returning. I’m so glad you are seeking support, and your ultrasound report is awesome! By the way, as I read your post, I just got this feeling that you are having a little girl… We shall see 💗

  5. I’m just stumbling upon your blog and I’m so happy I found it! I have a 20 month old boy who we got through IUI – first try. He was actually born with a congenital heart defect and it was undiagnosed throughout my entire pregnancy! We are now in our 2ww for our first IVF attempt (ET on June 8th) – we had 9 unsuccessful rounds of IUI. My OB put me on extra folic acid as they say that can help lower the risk of congenital heart defects so not only am I hoping for a successful IVF cycle but also a healthy baby! Anyways…I’m so nervous during this waiting period I can hardly stand it. Any tips on how to get through it without overanalyzing EVERY twinge, cramp or lack of symptoms? hahaha!

    • Oh man, the 2ww is the worst. I dont have much advice other than to focus on your little guy! I wish you all the best and hope it’s a successful one. How is your boy doing? Sorry to hear about the heart defect – is it something they were able to do something about? Please stay in touch and let me know how this cycles goes!

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