30 weeks was my big milestone last time around. It marked the time that I was able to accept that the pregnancy was one that would actually produce a living, breathing child at the end of it. Before then, I lived in constant fear that something would go wrong and did not allow myself to think about what life would be like post-baby. It was the pregnancy itself I was so focused on.
Although I’ve been far less obsessive about this pregnancy, I still consider 30 weeks to be some sort of a milestone. I feel a bit safer and more secure. I feel officially ‘far along’ and in the home stretch.
We made our obligatory IKEA trip two weeks ago and that coupled with a lot of Etsy shopping and a few trips to Target, we’ve got most of what we need for her room. The crib needs to be built, the pictures hung, and items removed from boxes, but aside from that, we’re feeling pretty good about where things are.
I can’t believe Im going to have a baby in 8w5d, if not sooner!
So, I had that VBAC conversation with my doc at my last appointment and I’m feeling pretty confused, stressed, and torn about the whole thing. I had such a bad experience last time around – an inducation at 39wks due to pre-eclampsia, 35hours of labor…in bed, a c-section under general anesthesia, a 24-48 hr fog post-delivery from the anti-seizure drug magnesium, and 5 total days in the hospital. All I care about – of course other than a safe delivery for Poppy and me – is to avoid what I went through last time.
Everyone has their own opinions about VBACs and Im trying to make the ‘right’ decision for me. When i was pregnant with Toby, I was adamant about wanting a natural, unmedicated birth. I have to chuckle to myself when I think about how far from that it was! Ideally, that’s what I would like to have again, but that option is off the table for the most part. Even if I go into labor naturally, I will be monitored closely for signs of uterine rupture. With all the monitoring, I won’t be free to move around and comfortably labor in various places and positions which will limit my ability to manage the pain.
Im also pretty risk-averse and the thought of a uterine rupture, even a small risk, scares me. Particularly following my doc’s comment that in rare circumstances, a rupture can occur without presenting with any symptoms and that outcome can be ‘catastrophic’ for baby. Although she is in support of a VBAC, she did comment that overall, a repeat section is slightly safter for baby and a VBAC is slightly safer for me. Was she daring me to choose between the safety of my baby and my own? No, of course not. I really like and respect her, actully. But, the comment did leave me feeling like I’d be making a decision that would impact my baby and me in unequivalent ways.
At this point, I am scheduled for a repeat c-section on December 4th @ 39wks. If I have not gone into labor by then, a c-section is definitely what I’ll do. I am unwilling to be induced again after my experience last time. And I dont want to wait later than 39wks because my risk of developing pre-e (assuming I havent already developed it by that time) rises daily. The question remains, however, about what route Ill choose to take if I go into labor early and naturally.