36w4d. We’re scheduled to meet our little girl in 2w3d. WOW.
I am ready. So ready. The room is complete, the hospital bags semi-packed. I’m ready to start re-reading the sleep books and returning back to the blogs that offered tips and tricks on caring for a newborn. Poppy’s gift for Toby has been purchased and he’s walking around talking about the ‘baby’ all the time. Im also suffering from pretty bad carpal tunnel, therefore sleeping very little, and all around pretty much done being pregnant.
However, I’m not ready to feel that final miraculous kick coming from a baby inside my belly in what will likely be my last pregnancy. I’m not ready to spend my last day with Toby as an only child. I’m not ready to face the fact that I’ll be far from perfect and often over-stretched and highly stressed as a mother of two.
But, I’m ready to meet my little girl. Im ready to fall as deeply in love with her as I did with my sweet Toby. I’m ready to watch Toby embrace his role as big brother and shower his sister with love. I’m ready to complete my perfectly imperfect family. I AM READY.
I am excited, yet filled with fear. I need my baby girl to come, I want to see her and hear her first cry. I want to be told she is 100% healthy. I want to touch her, hold her, hug her, and feed her. I want my body to be able to nourish her with ease and for her body to offer her comfort in the first few months when Toby’s body did not.
For maternity leave, I am taking 3 months. It’s unpaid, although I am permitted to drain my sick and vacation and then ask my colleagues for donations. If I stay gone a day beyond 12 weeks, I lose my health insurance – the insurance that covers my entire family since Simon’s company offers no coverage whatsoever. I maintain my coverage as long as I work 80% time, so I’ll likely work 4 days per week for some months like I did with Toby.
It’s going to be a weird holiday season for us – our immediate family will have grown but our house will feel empty as we have no additional family coming to celebrate. It makes us both feel very sad and isolated, confirming for us that we need to get back East to be closer to the very limited family that either of us has. But, we’ll make the most of it and I know it’ll be a very special Christmas, cozying up in the house with our perfect family of four!
Well, it’s time to sign off. My fingers are numb. Damn this carpal tunnel.