Today was my last day of work before Poppy comes. Having a scheduled c-section makes everything feel, well, scheduled. It’s been weird knowing the exact day I would be concluding work especially since we’ll also be moving offices while I’m gone so I left my office completely packed up into two small boxes. It’s also even more bizarre that I know the exact day AND time that I will be meeting my little girl. How crazy!
I’ve continued to agonize over my decision about the delivery and it’s been taking a toll on my mental health. The more I reconsider my decision, the more I feel my anxiety rising, the more agitated and grumpy I feel, and the less I look forward to what’s to come. I want someone to tell me what to do, but no one can. There are costs and benefits to either decision and it is up to me (and Simon of course) to determine which route to take. I’ve made a pro/con list which still left me pretty indecisive, but admittedly I came to the final decision to move forward with a c-section in part because I simply want it to be over. Because there is no way to know what a week’s delay would bring – I could go into labor naturally and have the delivery I’ve always dreamed of, but I could also endure another week of discomfort and sleeplessness and still end with a c-section or worse, I could develop pre-eclampsia again – I decided it was best for my own sanity to go with the planned section. I think at this point I’ve just over-thought things so much and at this point I really really want to accept and move beyond my decision and begin to simply look forward to meeting my little girl on Friday. OMG – I’m going to have a little girl on Friday!!!
My dear sweet Toby is so excited about meeting his little sister -it’s all he talks about these days. We put the base to her car seat in the car and he excitedly points to it and talks about how the baby is coming soon and will sit in the back with him and that they will play. It’s so sweet and I cannot wait to see them together for the first time.
My dad arrives tomorrow and will be here to take care of Toby. Im so grateful that he is coming and Toby is so excited to play with “Baba” when he gets here.
Im also taking the day off tomorrow so that Toby and I can spend a special day together before we make room in our lives for his baby sister. It should turn out to be a very special week 🙂